It has been a year. I sat back and read the posts and I will admit I cried...a lot. It is bittersweet. So much has happened in the past year and it has been a whirlwind. I sit and read about how happy I was. I was starting life on my own and I had it all. I had a husband, a new job, a new house, and my family and friends, and I was cooking like crazy. It is absolutely amazing how much life can change in an instant. I am currently going through a divorce, I have found yet another new job this year, we will be selling our home but luckily I still have my family and friends along with some new ones, and right now I barely cook. I sit here in absolute amazement at how much my life has changed. I never asked for this and I sure as hell did not want it to be this way. I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what the heck it was that I did for this to happen to me. I can barely piece together my life these last 4 months and right now I am just trying to find a way to put those pieces back together, but right now I do not know where they belong. Through all of this I have learned to be grateful and instead of sitting here moaning and crying about what my husband did and about what I am going through I want to say what I am grateful for because at the end of the day that is what matters and most of the time the things that I am grateful for are what get me through the next minute, hours, days, etc. This time of year is really hard for me. It is hard to be alone for thanksgiving and christmas and especially new years, mostly because I was with him for the last 10 years of holidays so right now instead of concentrating on being alone and how sad I am I try to look at the positives. So here goes:
I am grateful for:
*my family - they are my core and my families morals and values have shaped who I am today and I am so proud to call them my family. Without them I am pretty sure I would be lost
*my nieces and nephews - there is just something about a smile and a hug and a kiss from little lips that make your day turn completely around. they dont quite understand what I am going through yet they know to shower me with love and i am so grateful to my siblings for bringing them into the world, i could not imagine my life without them.
*my dog cooper - sometimes i feel so lame for having such strong love towards an animal, but when you are going through what i am going through my dog has been there for me for everything. he jumps and kisses on me when i get home. he knows when i have had a bad day and he cuddles so close to me it makes me feel loved
*my job - yes sometimes being a teacher is super stressful and there are days i want to pull my hair out. but each day is a new experience and is different from the last. i am just grateful to have a job right now and deep down my students really do care for me. they know what i am going through and the fact that they even show some sort of empathy makes me feel good.
*my friends - i will admit that i have definitely taken my friends for granted. i always concentrated way more on my love life than on my friends. my friends have truely been there for me and it has meant the world to me. they have saved me and they are slowly bringing me back out of the hole i fell in and i do not even think they know it
*the sunrise - i love seeing it every morning
*hot tea - sitting down with a cup of hot tea really does make my day better
*bubble baths - whoever invented bubble baths is a genuis
*the city - i have fallen in love these last couple of months with the city. i love just walking around down there and spending time. there are so many types of people there and so many new places
*childhood friends - its amazing how much they are there for you and it seems like they never left my life
and last but not least...i am grateful for a new beginning - its kind of ironic that this is the name of my blog but i am truely grateful to have the opportunity to start a new life. i get to start over and do things differently this time. i get to experience things i never have. i get to create my life. take a look at what i want now and in my future and for that i am truely grateful. i do not know why this has happened to me but it must have been for a reason and im hoping that whatever comes next in my life is ten times better than what i had, which is hard to top because i thought i had it all, and i hope that i will be happy again and maybe happier than i ever was.
Well that is it for now...this post has been an emotional one that took me a long time to write. I do not know when I will post again or if I ever will, but tonight this just felt right after I strolled down memory lane reading all the old posts. But I will end with this:
"Sometimes life throws you obstacles which ultimately make you question who you are...why you are here...and where you are going...It will make you think what makes you HAPPY and if your world is built on fabrications or the REAL thing...Are you who you want to be? Are you pretending to be someone you are not? Be true to yourself and what you were brought up on...Never forget where you are from and keep your eyes up, so you don't miss where you are going. Be your BEST you...and your worst critic...Love the life you are in...and don't take it for granted because you will only LIVE it once..."
