A New Begining....PART 2

I have not been on this blog forever...and I felt it was time to put some things in writing so here goes...

It has been a year.  I sat back and read the posts and I will admit I cried...a lot.  It is bittersweet.  So much has happened in the past year and it has been a whirlwind.  I sit and read about how happy I was.  I was starting life on my own and I had it all.  I had a husband, a new job, a new house, and my family and friends, and I was cooking like crazy.  It is absolutely amazing how much life can change in an instant.  I am currently going through a divorce, I have found yet another new job this year, we will be selling our home but luckily I still have my family and friends along with some new ones, and right now I barely cook.  I sit here in absolute amazement at how much my life has changed.  I never asked for this and I sure as hell did not want it to be this way.  I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what the heck it was that I did for this to happen to me. I can barely piece together my life these last 4 months and right now I am just trying to find a way to put those pieces back together, but right now I do not know where they belong.  Through all of this I have learned to be grateful and instead of sitting here moaning and crying about what my husband did and about what I am going through I want to say what I am grateful for because at the end of the day that is what matters and most of the time the things that I am grateful for are what get me through the next minute, hours, days, etc. This time of year is really hard for me.  It is hard to be alone for thanksgiving and christmas and especially new years, mostly because I was with him for the last 10 years of holidays so right now instead of concentrating on being alone and how sad I am I try to look at the positives.  So here goes:

I am grateful for:
*my family - they are my core and my families morals and values have shaped who I am today and I am so proud to call them my family.  Without them I am pretty sure I would be lost
*my nieces and nephews - there is just something about a smile and a hug and a kiss from little lips that make your day turn completely around.  they dont quite understand what I am going through yet they know to shower me with love and i am so grateful to my siblings for bringing them into the world, i could not imagine my life without them.
*my dog cooper - sometimes i feel so lame for having such strong love towards an animal, but when you are going through what i am going through my dog has been there for me for everything.  he jumps and kisses on me when i get home. he knows when i have had a bad day and he cuddles so close to me it makes me feel loved
*my job - yes sometimes being a teacher is super stressful and there are days i want to pull my hair out. but each day is a new experience and is different from the last. i am just grateful to have a job right now and deep down my students really do care for me. they know what i am going through and the fact that they even show some sort of empathy makes me feel good.
*my friends - i will admit that i have definitely taken my friends for granted. i always concentrated way more on my love life than on my friends.  my friends have truely been there for me and it has meant the world to me.  they have saved me and they are slowly bringing me back out of the hole i fell in and i do not even think they know it
*the sunrise - i love seeing it every morning
*hot tea - sitting down with a cup of hot tea really does make my day better
*bubble baths - whoever invented bubble baths is a genuis
*the city - i have fallen in love these last couple of months with the city. i love just walking around down there and spending time. there are so many types of people there and so many new places
*childhood friends - its amazing how much they are there for you and it seems like they never left my life

and last but not least...i am grateful for a new beginning - its kind of ironic that this is the name of my blog but i am truely grateful to have the opportunity to start a new life.  i get to start over and do things differently this time.  i get to experience things i never have.  i get to create my life. take a look at what i want now and in my future and for that i am truely grateful.  i do not know why this has happened to me but it must have been for a reason and im hoping that whatever comes next in my life is ten times better than what i had, which is hard to top because i thought i had it all, and i hope that i will be happy again and maybe happier than i ever was.

Well that is it for now...this post has been an emotional one that took me a long time to write. I do not know when I will post again or if I ever will, but tonight this just felt right after I strolled down memory lane reading all the old posts.  But I will end with this: 

"Sometimes life throws you obstacles which ultimately make you question who you are...why you are here...and where you are going...It will make you think what makes you HAPPY and if your world is built on fabrications or the REAL thing...Are you who you want to be? Are you pretending to be someone you are not? Be true to yourself and what you were brought up on...Never forget where you are from and keep your eyes up, so you don't miss where you are going. Be your BEST you...and your worst critic...Love the life you are in...and don't take it for granted because you will only LIVE it once..."
 

Drumroll please........

This weekend was a busy one, but it sure was enjoyable. Thanksgiving was awesome, great family time and great food of course!  Friday Mark woke up early and him and Jeff went out and Mark got us a new nice 55" LED TV.  Mark may have broke his hand, but we continued with some shopping at the Aurora outlet mall then ended at the emergency room for Marks hand.  Saturday we relaxed, took a nap and woke up when it was dark out (I love those days!).  Sunday we put up the lights and this is what this post is all about. 

It is great living in a new place after you get married.  There are so many firsts that you enjoy and it is the time where you start your own traditions and maybe continue the ones from when you were at home.  We strung Christmas lights on our house and the bushes and we made a big spectacle of it at night.  We randomly had the Humbert's over and a couple friends to watch the Bears game.  When it got dark we made everyone go outside so we could plug in our first ever Christmas lights!  I felt like we were the Griswalds, I asked for a drumroll, but everyone just told me to plug them in...Mark plugged in one set and me the other and then we ran out with everyone and checked it out.  I was afraid they were not going to light, however....they did....and I love them.  I am so excited for Christmas to start traditions with Mark.  We decided we would sneak our presents under the tree the night before Christmas.  I may even wake up in the middle of the night to bring mine downstairs.  I will always be a kid at heart for Christmas and I love that.  I leave you with a picture of our newly lit home!  It may not be a lot but it is a good start that we will be building on for years to come! :) Happy Holidays!

Looking Forward To...

spending more time with my husband now that his work schedule is changing

thanksgiving! :)

spending time with my family

our yearly outlet mall trip with my mom and sisters

caramel apple spice

christmas with my husband which, we decided, will include a real christmas tree

putting christmas lights on our home for the first time

decorating our house more

ordering our wedding pictures finally

times with friends

some well deserved time off of work for the holidays

What are some of the things you are looking forward to these days???

random thoughts

i think about life a lot and how i am lucky for what i have
i miss my husband
i wish i talked to my family more
a full time teaching job really is a full time job - weekends included
i was blessed with awesome nieces and nephews who i miss as well
i love my house but it is kind of far away from people, but it is nice to be on my own
teaching high school sometimes i wish i could go back there
what will it be like when i have my own kids, hard to grasp i am even old enough to have kids
i'm amazed at how much your life can change within a year - marriage, new house, new job - whew i'm tired
sometimes weeks go by too fast and i hope they slow down a bit
weekends are too short
why am i so emotional?
how can i be less stressed when i have so much new things going on and more stressed when i don't?
when will i get home tonight?

what are some of your random thoughts that you think about during the day, or in the shower, or while you are driving?

(I know like 4 people read my blog but hoping maybe some other people do to that I do not know about and they will pop in to give me some random thoughts too!)

3 Years...or 21, however you want to look at it! :)

My little guy turned 3 years old (or 21 years in dog years) on October 5th.  I'll admit that I forgot his birthday only to remember yesterday.  No I am not that kind of person who throws her dog a birthday party, but I AM that kind of person who sings Happy Birthday to her dog and goes out to dinner with her parents and husband, orders a patty melt, and takes 1/2 of it home (the burger part only) to her dog so he can have a birthday dinner....

He lived it up and got his belly rubbed while Mark and I watched TV. I apologized for forgetting his birthday (I think the burger made up for it) and made sure to sing Happy Birthday one more time before we went to bed and told him how much we loved him ;) 

Hmmmm...me and my dog...I just cannot get enough of him!

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY COOPER! Mommy and Daddy <3 you!

 

life

I get to snuggle at night with my lil guy and I am woken up by my husband when he gets home from work to get a kiss goodnight...

Taken by Mark on his iPhone one morning

And when I drive to work on clear mornings I see this

And even though life may not be perfect, there are still those days where you wake up and think to yourself that today is going to be a great day, it is those days that you realize that there really is a lot out there for us and that you just need to let life happen.... 

What A Difference!

What a difference working a full time job makes! I am exhausted and I feel bad for Mark because I am probably always complaining, although he tells me he understands!  I have started my new teaching job and boy is it a LOT of work! I am teaching a class that I have not taught before or never thought I was ever going to teach.  I am a Biology and Chemistry teacher and I am teaching a Research Core class.  I plan week to week and never know where I am going with it so far! I work at school, I work when I come home from school, I work on the weekends, its never ending so far and I did hear that is how it is your first couple of years of teaching! Its hard and overwhelming but I am very GRATEFUL to have a job at all, I am very lucky.  I commute almost an hour and a half each way and work a part time job still.  Mark starts his new job next week and will be working some late nights and he too works another part time job as well... so it is going to be hard to not see him every night, but I know we will get through it.  I guess I just needed to write this all out but thanks for "listening" and sorry about all my complaining!

Off to do more work for school.....

Oh and one thing that is keeping me going through all this crazy hectic work stuff....


Fall....its almost here...I can smell it!

Cannot wait for bonfires, cozy nights with the windows open, caramel apple cider from Starbucks, football, family time, changing of colors....mmmmm it gets me through these hard days!